Don’t Stay Stuck

Navigating the Complex Layers of Adoption – Because She’s Adopted Podcast

In this powerful episode of the Because She’s Adopted podcast, hosts Kristal Parke and Chrystal Redpath are joined by trauma therapist and clinical counsellor Sharice Lowe to delve into the emotional intricacies of adoption. Together, they explore themes of attachment, abandonment, rejection, and the journey toward healing. Sharice’s expertise sheds light on how trauma impacts adoptees and the path to processing and integrating these experiences.

Defining Trauma in the Context of Adoption

Sharice begins by defining trauma as any moment when the nervous system is left in a dysregulated state without co-regulation, emphasizing that adoption often starts with trauma. She explains how the initial separation from a birth parent disrupts a baby’s sense of safety, imprinting patterns that can manifest as anxiety, dissociation, or numbness.

Co-regulation—learning to find safety through the consistent and predictable care of a caregiver—is essential for developing secure attachment. Sharice highlights how adoptees often face unique challenges, including the absence of co-regulation during those critical early moments of life. This absence can ripple into adulthood, shaping behaviors, emotions, and relationships.

Attachment and the Duality of Adoption

The conversation touches on the duality adoptees face: the gratitude for being chosen by adoptive families and the deep emotional pain of relinquishment. Sharice encourages adoptive parents to embrace this duality and hold space for their child’s emotions without diminishing their grief or invalidating their questions.

For adoptees, feelings of abandonment, rejection, and confusion often resurface in adulthood, amplified by the silence surrounding their emotions in childhood. Kristal and Chrystal share personal stories of living with these unresolved emotions and finding themselves through therapy, inner work, and self-compassion.

The Path to Healing: Finding Support and Self-Acceptance

Sharice underscores the importance of trauma-informed therapy that integrates somatic (body-based) approaches. She explains how unresolved trauma “hijacks” the brain’s ability to process emotions, leaving adoptees stuck in cycles of hypervigilance or emotional numbness. Through trauma-focused therapies, such as Accelerated Resolution Therapy, adoptees can begin to clear the emotional blocks that narrow their capacity to process stress and build resilience.

The discussion also emphasizes self-regulation—learning to hold space for your own emotions—as a critical component of healing. This allows adoptees to reconnect with their authentic selves and set boundaries in relationships without relying on external sources for validation or safety.

Key Takeaways for Adoptive Families

For adoptive parents, Sharice offers practical advice:

• Validate your child’s feelings without redirecting them to focus on gratitude.
• Create a safe environment for them to explore their emotions, even the challenging ones.
• Recognize that adoption begins with loss, and holding space for that grief is essential for healing.

Kristal and Chrystal echo these sentiments, sharing the impact of being seen and supported by trusted professionals and loved ones. They remind listeners that healing is a journey of self-discovery and acceptance, not a destination.