Adoption, Reunion & Finding Community with Kim and Emma

Adoption reunion is rarely a single moment. It can be a relationship that unfolds over years, filled with connection, grief, longing, boundaries, unanswered questions, and the complicated reality of figuring out where biological family fits into a life already being lived. In this episode of Because She’s Adopted, Kristal and Stuart sit down with Kim and her partner, Emma, for an honest and deeply personal conversation about adoption, reunion, relationships, and what it means to finally find people who understand an experience you’ve carried largely on your own. Kim shares her adoption story publicly for the first time, including reconnecting with her birth mother as a young adult and navigating the complicated relationship that followed. Emma offers a unique perspective, not only as Kim’s partner witnessing that journey from the outside, but as the daughter of a birth mother who relinquished a child through closed adoption. Together, their stories reveal something adoption rarely allows for: simple answers.

Growing Up Adopted Without Talking About the Hard Parts

Kim was adopted as an infant through a private adoption in Florida and grew up always knowing she was adopted. Her parents made sure she knew she was loved and special. But underneath those reassurances were emotions that didn’t have anywhere to go. Kim describes growing up in a family where difficult feelings weren’t often discussed. Adoption was acknowledged, but the grief, fertility struggles, identity questions, and emotional complexities surrounding it weren’t necessarily explored. As she got older, Kim also began understanding her identity as a queer adoptee and figuring out how the different pieces of who she was, and the feelings she carried growing up, fit together.

Searching for Her Birth Mother

At 18, Kim created a profile online in hopes of finding her biological family. A couple of years later, she and her birth mother found each other. Their first conversation happened while Kim wandered the aisles of a Target. Eventually, a cross-country road trip gave Kim an opportunity to meet her birth mother in person. She also met her younger half-sister, something that would later become especially meaningful because it would be the only time they met. The reunion brought something Kim hadn’t necessarily expected: recognition. She and her birth mother were remarkably alike. But sharing biology didn’t mean sharing a history. And as their relationship developed, that distinction became increasingly important.

When Adoption Reunion Becomes Complicated

Kim describes her relationship with her birth mother as loving but intensely difficult. Their conversations could quickly become deeply emotional, revisiting relinquishment, loss, guilt, and pain. Over time, maintaining that connection began taking a significant emotional toll. Eventually, Kim realized she needed space. Emma became an important source of perspective, reminding Kim that she didn’t have to respond immediately and that protecting herself didn’t mean she didn’t care. As Emma puts it: “You can’t give so much of yourself if it completely disregulates your life and just leads to more pain.” Their conversation highlights one of the most difficult realities of adoption reunion: wanting a relationship with someone doesn’t automatically make that relationship sustainable. Sometimes love and boundaries have to exist simultaneously.

Grief, Loss & An Already Complicated Relationship

Kim’s reunion story was further complicated by an unimaginable tragedy. Several years after meeting her biological family, Kim’s younger half-sister disappeared. Kim immediately flew to Texas to support her birth mother. Her sister had been kidnapped and killed. The loss profoundly affected Kim’s birth mother, and inevitably changed their relationship as well. Kim found herself navigating her own grief while witnessing her birth mother’s grief over losing another daughter. At times, guilt became tangled into their conversations and relationship. It’s a heartbreaking example of how adoption doesn’t exist in isolation. Reunion brings people together carrying entire histories of loss, trauma, expectations, and experiences that began long before they found one another.

The Partner’s Role in Adoption Reunion

One of the most compelling perspectives in this conversation comes from Emma. She can’t fix Kim’s adoption experience, nor does she try to. Instead, Kim says one of the greatest things Emma has given her is patience. She gives Kim permission to slow down. To feel something before responding. To decide when she has enough emotional capacity to engage. And sometimes, simply not to respond at all. That kind of support allows Kim to navigate her biological relationships without having someone else dictate what those relationships should look like.

Experiencing Reunion From the Other Side

There’s another layer to Emma’s understanding of adoption. Her mother became pregnant at 16 and relinquished her first child through a closed adoption. Emma grew up knowing she had a biological half-brother somewhere in the world. Decades later, something unexpected happened. He was ready to meet. Emma, her mother, Kim, and Emma’s biological half-brother and his wife eventually sat down together for dinner. Watching the reunion unfold gave Kim an entirely different perspective from her own experience as an adoptee. Despite years apart, similarities between mother and son were immediately recognizable, from appearance to interests, values, and personality. And something appeared to change in Emma’s mother afterward. As Kim describes it, something that had never quite been at peace finally seemed to settle. The relationship didn’t suddenly become perfect or constant. But the door was finally open.

Finding the Adoptee Community

Perhaps one of the biggest changes in Kim’s relationship with adoption didn’t come from biological reunion at all. It came from meeting other adoptees. For years, adoption was something Kim carried privately. Eventually, she began listening to adoption podcasts, attending virtual adoptee gatherings, and meeting other adoptees in person. And something shifted. For the first time, experiences that had once made her wonder What’s wrong with me? were reflected back through other people. Kim describes hearing other adoptees speak and recognizing herself in their stories. That recognition allowed adoption to become something she could approach with curiosity instead of something she simply had to carry. Emma noticed the difference, too. Even when those conversations were emotional, Kim often came away from them feeling lighter.

The Power of Being Understood

There is something profoundly powerful about discovering that an experience you thought belonged only to you is shared by someone else. Adoption can create questions without answers, relationships without shared histories, grief without obvious permission to grieve, and longing that doesn’t disappear simply because someone has been found. Kim’s story reminds us that reunion doesn’t necessarily resolve those things. Sometimes reunion creates entirely new questions. But community can give those questions somewhere to belong.