Hi! I’m Kristal and Chrystal
Local Kelowna adoptees and hosts Kristal and Chrystal discuss their polarizing experiences of reuniting with their biological families in the hopes of finding the missing pieces.
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“I’ll always remember her look—it was sacrifice and love.”
Navigating Reunion: Finding Biological Family
Welcome to the Because She’s Adopted podcast, where we explore the many facets of adoption. In this episode, hosts Kristal Parke and Chrystal Redpath delve into the emotional journey of navigating reunion with their biological families. Through their contrasting experiences, they shed light on the challenges, expectations, and healing that can arise during this deeply personal process.
The Desire to Find Family
Kristal began her search at 17, asking her adoptive parents to locate her birth parents so they could attend her graduation. To her surprise, they succeeded, waking her on her birthday to share the news. Kristal described the moment as initially filling an emptiness inside her.
“I thought I had found the missing piece of the puzzle,” Kristal reflected. “But as I later realized, no one else can truly fill that void.”
Chrystal shared a similar timeline, beginning her search at 17. She recounted her adoptive mother taking her to an adoption therapist in Calgary, where she received invaluable advice: prepare for the unexpected.
“She opened my eyes to the reality that I might have been a secret or might face rejection,” Chrystal shared. “It wasn’t something I had ever considered before.”
Letters, Secrets, and Long-Awaited Connections
Both women received written messages from their birth families that shaped their perspectives. Kristal’s biological mother had written her a letter, which her adoptive mom handed over during a heated argument.
“Reading her words, calling me Melissa, and learning I had a brother—it was overwhelming,” Kristal said. “Even though it came in a negative moment, the letter was a gift.”
Chrystal, on the other hand, discovered her birth family after applying to social services. Although her initial search revealed that no one was actively looking for her, her in-laws took the initiative to make phone calls. Within two calls, they found her biological grandfather, leading to a reunion.
Joy and Pain in Reunion
Kristal and Chrystal described the complex emotions of meeting their biological families. For Kristal, reuniting with her birth mother brought joy but also feelings of guilt and pain for her adoptive mom.
“She facilitated the reunion but carried so much pain,” Kristal explained. “I’ll always remember her look—it was sacrifice and love.”
Chrystal’s reunion was similarly bittersweet. While she cherished meeting her birth family, the relationship with her biological mother dissolved.
“I remember thinking, ‘What’s wrong with me?’” Chrystal admitted. “But I’ve come to accept that it was too hard for her, and that’s okay.”
The Complexity of Boundaries
Both hosts discussed the challenges of defining relationships with biological family members.
“There’s no name for this relationship,” Kristal noted. “They’re not your mom, not a sister, not an aunt—it’s hard to know where you stand.”
Chrystal added, “I never wanted my biological mother to feel pain when she looked at me. I wanted to be seen and loved, separate from her past trauma.”
Healing and Self-Acceptance
While reunion provided some closure, both Kristal and Chrystal emphasized that true healing came from within.
“For me, finding peace was about self-acceptance and self-love,” Kristal shared. “It wasn’t the answers I found that healed me—it was the work I did on myself.”
Chrystal agreed, adding, “Finding my biological family closed some chapters, but healing came from reconnecting with who I am and trusting in myself.”
Closing Thoughts
The episode concluded with gratitude and a reminder of the importance of sharing stories.
“When we share our journeys, we heal,” Chrystal said. “It’s through these conversations that we find connection and hope.”
Listen to this episode on the
Because She Was Adopted Podcast
Stay Connected
Now, we’d love to hear from you!
What part of Kristal and Chrystal’s stories resonated most with you? Have you navigated reunion or experienced challenges in reconnecting with your past? Share your thoughts in the comments—your story could inspire and comfort someone else on their journey.
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With endless love and appreciation,
Kristal and Chrystal
